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finally home!!

just got home from two months in the hospital due to brain surgery for my seizure disorder--best welcome home present...GLEE IS BACK!

Free :)

ughhhhhh finally done my midterms!!! I am pretty sure I failed my Algebra 2 test though. The rest I cant really say i either did okay or good. I know for a fact that Environmental was a easy A.
I go In for brain surgery on the 15th and Im probably going to be out of school for a month. I've probably never been more nervous for anything In my life, but whatever its for the best and Id rather do this than live with seizures my whole life...
Just got back from the hospital because I went for a check-up and I was having to many seizures. I wasnt there long but they said the next step in all of this is brain graphing or something like that where I actually have to have surgery. Im pretty freaked out but its not going to be In months.

On a lighter note I have now realized Glee officially has taken over my life. I was sitting in U.S History and they mentioned the president William Mckinley and i shouted GLEE...I am now mad at my entire class because no one knew what I was talking about.

Also does American Idol have to be this long? really? like just pick a winner and get on with it lol. But the good thing is Skins comes on soon! im so excited.

boring holidays

So the holidaysss. They pretty were total crap except for the no school part and the new camera. It would've probably been great but I thought I had Appendicitis when I was at the mountains so I couldn't do anything :(

New years was alright because I felt better but i didn't do anything crazy, just hung out with my best friend. Unlucky for me I have to return to that god awful thing we call school in two days and I might actually cry. Hope everyone else had lovely holidays! :)

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I <3 SUE SYLVESTER

Only two months until season four of Skins! I'm so excited I'm pretty sure I have wet myself. And am I the only one who misses GLEE already? what has been two days and I'm supposed to wait four months...Crap.
The last episode was beyond epic. it was like unicorns,junk food, and Luna Lovegood and basically everything awesome put into one episode....WILL AND EMMA. THAT JUST HAPPENED. oh and BTW if you didn't know by know...Santana/Brittany, That happened too, probably multiple times.
Amber was amazing in this episode with her strong male duck ballad And I'm Telling You, and the music in general was just on point. Lea got to show off her great talent in Don't Rain On My Parade and the group in general was just tear-jerking obvi.
(but may i state that not all of us look like seventy year old women when crying, sorry Will i love you. but Ya do.)

oh the drama.

Okay so I know I haven't posted on here in like a gillion years but junior year is kicking my ass, and plus at least I made my journal a little more prettier. Its not anything special but its better then what i had before so :)

Im kinda exaggerating the fact that school is kicking my ass, though, ive actually done pretty well. Im getting all A's and B's except for math because i suck at math lol. It also might have to do with the fact that one of my crushes sits in front of me and I cant help but be distracted. seriously, its a problem...and yes I said ONE of my crushes lol.
That's where my other problem comes in, I've liked this girl who is on my basketball team for about a year now but no one in my school knows Im gay. Plus she hangs out with a different crowd then me and the only time we really talk is during basketball or psych class.

Also just In the beginning of this year i started to like another girl (the one who sits in front of me in math) but she has no idea...that Im gay or that I like her lol. I hangout with this girl a lot more than the other one but i don't know whether she is gay or not, and the other girl was pretty much my first girl-crush so i have no idea what the hell Im gonna do with this load of shenanigans.

halloween/philles<3

Happy Halloween to everyone!!
I decided to be a skier about an hour ago so i guess you can tell i procrastinate.

One bad thing about halloween: they made the phillies/yankees play! I want to go out tick or treating (even if im in highschool lol) AND watch my phillies kick yankee ass! And yes im aware all of Philadelphia is obnoxious, loud and cocky...but lets be honest, so is New York.

I hate hospital food. :(

so, i don't usually get into this deep stuff but...
I havent been on the internet in a while. Between blood work, EEG's, MEG's and all of this medical mumbo jumbo in the hospital I haven't had the time to do anything on the computer...It was awful.

I have epilepsy and have taken tons of medicine for it since I was eight but I still have seizures on and off for certain periods of time. The doctors now think that my best choice is brain surgery to remove something called "displasia", which basically causes my seizures, from the brain, the problem is they don't know what lobe it is on. 

I haven't really told any of my friends about it and its uncomfortable talking to my parents about that but still none of them get it, for the first time in my life I'm actually nervous and anxious about something legitimate and things like quiz grades or petty rumors don't mean anything. My parents got me a therapist because they thought it would help, and I could talk to her but in reality its just awkward. She talks to me about things like SATS and my siblings, which are important to me, but right now feel trivial.

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junior year= me having no life.

ughhhhhhhh who decided that 11th grade meant torturous amounts of work. my life has been sucked into one big study session...fun.

and is just me or do freshmen get shorter every year?
Im having a shit week and i cant write at all but thats the only way i know how to get my feelings out. Yesterday was the first time i cried since i can remember and i cried more than ever before. My grammy's funeral was yesterday and i saw all my cousins i havent seen since i was little because we always moved around a lot.

Random memories of the beach houses keep flashing in my head and for the first time in awhile i realized that the center of the family, the entertainer, the hostess, my grammy, would never be there for my cousins bot mitzvah or my wedding or to just talk about simple things with me and feed the fish by the pond at the house in margate.

Yesterday i cried for fifteen minutes on my aunts shoulder. This aunt i hadnt seen in years, i wasnt close to and never spent much time with, but i cried on her shoulders not caring how close we were because thats what my grammy did. She would have done everything and anything for the ones she knew and almost everything for the ones she didnt. Just because thats the type of person she was.