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Im having a shit week and i cant write at all but thats the only way i know how to get my feelings out. Yesterday was the first time i cried since i can remember and i cried more than ever before. My grammy's funeral was yesterday and i saw all my cousins i havent seen since i was little because we always moved around a lot.

Random memories of the beach houses keep flashing in my head and for the first time in awhile i realized that the center of the family, the entertainer, the hostess, my grammy, would never be there for my cousins bot mitzvah or my wedding or to just talk about simple things with me and feed the fish by the pond at the house in margate.

Yesterday i cried for fifteen minutes on my aunts shoulder. This aunt i hadnt seen in years, i wasnt close to and never spent much time with, but i cried on her shoulders not caring how close we were because thats what my grammy did. She would have done everything and anything for the ones she knew and almost everything for the ones she didnt. Just because thats the type of person she was.

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